I was made aware of my failure today.
My manager has been complaining about the store's closing routine and made it my job to make sure it was done properly every night, even when I'm not there. I had to get these kids/employees to care enough to do a few simple yet surprising numerous tasks, such as properly recording the cash drop, making sure the trash is thrown out, plugging in our equiment to charge overnight, etc. I did it to completion most nights I was at work. When I wasn't at work, something would go wrong. My manager has asked me for weeks to get this sorted out but it's not really in my nature to do so. I guess I just didn't take it seriously. My focus was on my personal sales goals. I told him I'd get it sorted out but I never did any action. I didn't teach anyone to do it, i.e I didn't force them to stay until closing and watch over their shoulder. I didn't teach them for two reasons: one, I don't feel like I have the self confidence to tell someone what to do, two, I would just rather get it done myself. And so I continued to let my employees leave early and I continued doing the closing routine myself, and the routine continued to be messed up whenever I wasn't there. I tried to communicate my inability to be assertive with my boss. He tells me to be more bossy. That doesn't really work. He told me to do anything, just get it done. Last night, I wasn't at the store and the closing routine was off. An employee forgot to close the register and wasn't able to do the drop. Today, my manager relieved me of my closing routine responsibilities and told me he will be moving me to the morning shift.
Like I said before, I didn't really care about the closing routine. It was such a small thing to me. The fact my manager told me removed that responsibility from me made me think about it differently It became a bigger deal. I was repeatedly told to do something and I wasn't able to get it done. I failed. I feel bad because of it. I feel like a fuck up. I feel inadequate for my role. I feel like I fumbled an opprotunity to learn about myself. I feel low. I feel really low right now.